Wimps Not Allowed

Recently I have heard more stories than I have wanted about seemingly strong believers in Christ walking away from the faith and living in their sin comfortably. Some of them I knew better than others and that is hard to swallow. It is actually very discouraging and it grieves my heart. I asked myself, "How did they get there? What did they begin to compromise early on that seemed like no big deal?"

It led me to really question myself about my love for Jesus. Do I really love him? Do I love the truth in His Word? I think that at the root of sin is unbelief. Unbelief in who God has said He is. Unbelief that He will act on His promises. When I worry, I doubt God and His goodness or His plan for me.

Then I opened to 2 Timothy. Paul is facing execution and he writes this letter to Timothy, who has been like a mentoree to Paul. Paul gives a few names of people who were seemingly following Christ and His truth and then walked away. He reminds him to:

* be strengthened by the grace of Christ Jesus
* By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you
* If we have died with him, we will also live with him,; if we endure; we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful------- for he cannot deny himself.
* Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.
* There are people who are burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at the knowledge of the truth.
*Continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed
* All Scripture is breathed out by God...... that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
* I have finished the race and have kept the faith

I think God sovereignly woke me up today to remind me to remain steadfast in Him, His Word, and in the fellowship of His people. There will always be appealing offers to walk away but they will lead to a Christ-less life and I cannot live without Him. Don't compromise your love for your Savior for anything; it just doesn't seem work it.

3 days and 3 nights

Another lesson titled, "I'm not in Control," again. Sheesh, I thought I learned this one. One thing you must know about me before I go on: I LOVE sleep! Since the first week of me being an infant I have loved sleep. My mom even called the doctor because she was worried something was wrong with me because I slept so much. I am a morning person and usually go to bed no later than 11pm. If I have missed my special amount of sleep, another person gets inside of me and starts acting deranged. :)

So this leads us to last Sunday night, I go to bed just like every other night. And I don't sleep. I may have gotten 3-4ish hours on and off. I wake up feeling awful and having to work. I'm formulating all kinds of theories as to why I didn't sleep: "maybe it was the Lost finale, maybe I have a major sin issue in my life, do I have something stressful in my life right now that I'm not willing to face...." The possibilities went on and on. And then Monday night......

I didn't sleep. At this point I'm so tired but my body just won't let me go to sleep. My heart is pounding. I'm uber frustrated that I'm not just falling asleep and I'm watching my husband sink into a fast sleep and looking so peaceful. I did everything to try and fall asleep. I even called my dad and he insisted I wasn't sleeping because I missed him. I may have slept on and off for 5 hours not really getting that deep sleep though. The next morning I felt alive and awake though. My coworkers were making all kinds of theories for me as to why I wasn't sleeping and as always because I'm married and at the age that I am, the pregnancy theory always came to the forefront. Just so you don't skim to the bottom and get disappointed, I'm not pregnant. :) I checked.

So by Tuesday, I'm feeling super-human-like. I'm living life, I'm not grouchy, and I'm surviving on very little amounts of sleep. I had told God that maybe sleep had become an idol and I had stopped relying on him for most of my everyday/every second functions. Then came Tuesday night, I look awful by now. I'm with a group of ladies and I have the deepest purple bags under my eyes. I'm pretty much falling asleep while with them and trying hard not to. They insist I go home and go to bed.

Same story, couldn't fall asleep. I begin crying, Drew's losing sleep because of me now, my mother-in-law tries to calm me down and prays for me. She concludes that my nerves have taken over by now and they are not letting me sleep. She tells me that I must surrender even my nerves to the Lord and trust Him whether I do or don't get sleep. I finally fall asleep for about 6 hours on and off. I'm smelling the end by now.

Wednesday I have several people praying for me to be able to sleep that night. I felt totally calm all day until 2 hours before I'm going to bed. I felt the nerves come back. I continuously surrendered my nerves up to God. Then I saw a verse I had written down, "You restore me o, Lord. Lead me in the way of righteousness." Those 2 words, "Lead me," stuck out instantly. I wasn't letting my Savior lead me. I have always been in control of myself, or so I thought. Anytime something physical would happen I would immediately worry and I would try to conjure up a plan to restore myself. So anytime I felt those nerves start to creep up, I knew it was my controlling nature that was trying to control the situation and I just repeated over and over, "You restore me, You lead me; not me."

And Wednesday night, I SLEPT FOR ALMOST 9 HOURS!!!!! I am so weak today but I am starting to understand and actually want God to be in control of me. Before, I wanted Him to but I faked myself out by putting myself in charge and telling myself it was God. I surrender all to You, Lord.

Living For the Eternal

This is one of the hardest things to do because we feel like temporary beings. But we're not, we will live somewhere eternally after our earthly death. God's Word says things like:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth.... for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also....... each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will show will test the quality of each man's work.....being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord...."

Christ is my purpose for living. God has made each day new. He holds my every breath in his hand. Christ has made me a new creature and I am His.

So why do I think and choose activities everyday that sometimes do not reflect this amazing truth? Because I am selfish, WAY too independent, and controlling. Isn't this a joke to trade my Father's precious gifts to me for MY wishes and wants. And it really only buys me about 1 hour of happiness, if even that much.

I want to drink in more of His Word instead of this world. I don't want to just know His Word, although that is wonderful, I want to LOVE His Word. I want to love His Word and His truth. A love for Him and His truth will affect everything else I choose to do.

I have been budgeting for the summer, for a couple trips Drew and I are taking, planning meals, and bought some summer clothes. These things are good to do and fun sometimes but I never want them to become something I do just for the here and now. What I do now and how I spend my days matters.

If I am living just for this earth, I am going to be more concerned with people's approval than God's truth.
If I am living just for this earth, I am going to be more concerned with possessions rather than loving and giving generously.
If I am living just for this earth, that is just silly. If you don't know if you believe all this, or God, or in Jesus Christ, or what His truth is, let's talk.

Thank you Christ for giving me life, purpose, hope, and every day to live for you.

Pressure

Sinus pressure.  This year has been the absolute WORST for my sinuses and I don't have any good reasons.  Back in September Drew and I were perpetually sick until November, then I carried into November, having bronchitis.  I was never 100% all through December, maybe a week at a time.  Then in January, I had another bout of bronchitis and a sinus infection.  I was actually feeling okay from February-March until the nice weather started to kick in.  Then came allergies.  By Easter I was back to having some serious sinus problems.  And now, my head is about to pop off and I spent the last 2 nights sleeping upright thinking it would help.

I'm going to the doctor but it is so frustrating.  Going to the doctor and experimenting with different medicines isn't cheap.  I love to be outside and run but lately I have been hating the spring because I haven't been able to really enjoy it.  I'm just not used to being sick so much in a year.  

I think God is showing me that I'm not in control again.  But he's not doing it in a way of torture, I know that.  Every time this happens, my temper flares, and I get so impatient.  But I think I am now starting to ask myself, "How are you going to react even when you don't feel good?"  That is a struggle for me when I feel so out of my body.  Will I praise Him and be willing to encourage others despite these rounds of sickness?  I also know there are people in many worse circumstances than me and I shouldn't complain.  And there are people who have responded much more Christ-like and loving in their illness than me.  

I really want to use this time and see that God just needs me to rest in Him.  I need to stop denying that I am sick, go to the doctor right away, and just take the time off I need to get well.  My pride really stands in the way sometimes.  

or maybe..... God wants us to move to a warmer location.... hmmm..... :)  I am thankful to be reminded again that God knows my body, he created me, and I am just clearly not in control.