He Loves Me in My Weakness- 26.2 miles later

(us at the John S. Knight Center getting our gear!)

(the morning of the marathon)

(Us at mile 10. you can see Drew behind the guy that decided to pose for our picture)

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (Paul to the Corinthians)

=The summary of the marathon Drew and I ran this past weekend.

Backtracking...... Last December, Drew blurted out that we were going to do the Akron marathon together. I was beyond excited because this had been a dream I have had since we were dating- completing a marathon together. So we signed up in February and everything looked good- 7 months out..... :)

We started really training at the end of May building our mileage up week by week. Drew had never been a runner but he was kicking booty out there each week. I felt pretty good about the whole thing. We were dedicated... getting up at 5am on Saturday mornings in the summer to do our long runs before it became unbearably hot. We carried extra water, packed frozen washcloths, and always a note card of directions so we would know where to go around different towns.

Then September hit. I couldn't believe that there was only 3 weeks left before the big race. I was nervous but excited. Drew was never quite as nervous as me and acted like it was really no big deal. Then this past Friday night came and we went to the Expo to get our gear for the next day. We got our bibs, goodie bags, and sweet Brooks jackets and headed home for our pasta dinner.

Saturday morning- nerves, excitement, chilly fall air, dark until 7am, parking the car just a few blocks from the Starting Line, and walking to our place in the race. We take off and are running towards mile 1 and realize we are going way faster than we should be but still proud of ourselves.

Then we get to about Mile 5 and something in my knee is aching... and it feels like my past ACL surgery is started to re-visit me. I figure it will wear off eventually.... but mile 8 rolls around and it is still there but aching even more loudly. But the people and cheering distracts me until about mile 11 when we start on a 4 mile stint on the Ohio Towpath.... and then there was no crowds and I could feel my knee even more and the pain was seizing my hamstring.

We pull off the path and stretch it out and it lasts for a bit of time but I am already a little discouraged. So much so, that I knew that at mile 15 Drew's family would be there and I thought about calling it quits and letting Drew push forward, but he said we were going to finish this race. Hardest miles ever...... 15-22. 8 miles of walking/running, crying, being frustrated and emotionally/mentally gone. We finished in 5 hours and 3 minutes holding hands across the finish line.

I am crying just thinking about my husband by my side the entire time. He wouldn't ever leave me and I gave him permission to run ahead at least 5 times, but he refused. He insisted that we finish together. He pushed me to finish strong, at one point demanding that I better keep running. and I needed him to do that. He would put his arm around me and constantly ask how I was doing. I cried a couple times in the middle of the race because I was frustrated with the time we would get, sad that my knee was throbbing, and disappointed in myself and the fact that Drew would have to get a bad time because of me. Then I cried a good 3 times towards the end of the race realizing how incredible my husband is for sticking next to me the entire time.

I didn't get my 'dream time' and I didn't finish as nicely as I would have liked but God in His extreme mercy showed me a new love and strength to me by giving me such a determined husband and for even allowing me to finish. He really does love me, He allowed me to know Him even better despite this injury. He allowed me to be weak so that I would know His strength and I take comfort in that. He is good and He knows me better because He is my Creator. He also strengthened Drew and I's marriage in such a unique way. I am more in love with my husband as a result.

God is my strength and my rock. He is faithful to His promises. He is love.
He loves me. This I am more sure of than I ever have been before.

Listening

Do you pretend- listen? I have before and it's not good, right? Someone is sharing their heart and here is the list of options I usually try and throw out:

1. nodding my head profusely
2. saying "uh-huh, uh-huh, I totally agree"
3. thinking while they talk about the next 'inspiring' tid-bit to share.
4. reminding them of an experience i went through and assuming that we can both relate to either.
5. I start diagnosing the problem, adding fuel to the fire

Recently, I was reminded by my husband about the importance of just listening and actually hearing that person. Then I remember Jill Briscoe speaking at a chapel in college and she talked about 'a ministry of presence.'

In the past week, I have been on the side of 'being listened to,' twice. It really feels like the persons cared about what I was saying, listened to me all the way through, there was silence, more silence, and more and then they affirmed me in who I am in Christ. There was hardly a mention of my problem or my rantings but they brought it back to my identity in Christ, which was incredible 'advice' to me.

They didn't assume anything about me, they listened.
They didn't make a laundry list for me on how to make this problem go away.
They didn't assume that we have been in the same place and try to fit me in that box.

James 1:19-20 " Know this, beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires."

And you know how I know God is listening? He brings an overwhelming peace, a sense of His love, and allows me to rest in Him with anything I bring to Him. He does not bring guilt or a spirit of condemnation to those who are His, He does not bring anxiety or unrest.

James 3:17 "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere."

I want to listen like that.

Our Home

Drew and I are moved out of our beloved apartment in Stow, Ohio and jumped to the next town to live for a year. We are trusting the Lord with this year and if He wills we will hopefully buy a home.

It is crazy how much time looking at homes online can consume my time. And then, add watching HouseHunters in the mix of time, and then not have I only wasted time but now I can begin to covet bigger homes with newer and more shiny things.

Honestly, I want this year to be one that we can be generous: with our time, money, and resources. So much thought about buying a home can make me want to 'hunker-down' on the finances, miss out on spending time with people, and just make me greedy in many areas of my life.

And I'm thinking...... that's NOT what I am supposed to be because so many passages in Scripture talk about giving, being generous, giving willingly, and living like Christ. Who, if I remember right, Christ never bought a home and I am positive he never worried about the fact that he really didn't have a home on this earth.

And then, I remember that my real home is with Him. I know people will say, "Well, it's not wrong to want things on this earth." Honestly, my problem is ---- I KNOW THAT ALL TOO WELL. and I want my earthly home more than I want my heavenly home. I want the earthly toys more than I want to grow in my likeness to my Father.

Gosh, sometimes it is SO hard to remember this. This is a season in my life where this just falls naturally in place with the "recipe of life"- go to college, graduate, get married, work, buy a home, have children, and on and on..... People around me are having babies, buying homes, and getting bigger toys than me.

I confess to my Father for my greed, discontentment, and selfishness and ask His forgiveness. I want to rejoice every day and not have to think once about the fact that I don't have this or that. I want to bask in the gift of redemption that He has given to me. I want to have an attitude of thankfulness and continuously remember his faithfulness.

Just this week, we got a flat tire and ended up replacing 2 tires. Gulp. Tires are expensive, who knew? Instead of thanking God for keeping us safe, the fact that we even get to have a car, for the money to pay for the tires, instead I became upset and pouted about spending that money when we could have had that for something else. I really was a brat.

My husband, has a line in one of his songs, "This world is not my home.... I'm just passing through.... My eyes are on the city paved of gold...." These things will all burn but have I lived a life honoring to God in faithful obedience? I strive to rest more in Him and less in myself.