Children????

The biggest question as of late is: Am I ready for kiddos of my own???
A couple of my friends here in Akron have children, some are expecting, and some are just so plain excited about having them very soon. For a while I think I was in a honeymoon phase with wanting children. I didn't know as much about the birthing process, the no-sleep for .... well, forever, and breast-feeding. And now that I know about that more, I'm not so sure I'm so ready.

I mean, there are just some things that you are NOT told about giving birth. I will refrain from mentioning specifics. Obviously moms always say just how amazing and mysterious the birth is, but it is beautiful. Then why are all the moms contradicting their stories when I hear of being in labor for 2 days and the dads are saying that they have never heard their wife scream so hard in their life? That does not sound beautiful, mysterious, yes.

I love sleep, very much a morning person, but hardly a night-person. So, I know in this arena, I am being purely selfish. This was proven this last week. D & I were watching 3 girls for half the week and one of the girls woke me up at 3:30 am because she had a bad dream. I proceeded to stay awake until 5:30 only for my alarm to wake me up at 6:00 so I could get the girls out the door to school. I felt like a bag of trash all day for missing those crucial hours of precious sleep.

And last but not least, D's mom keeps telling me stories about what a monster he was as a child and infant, never sleeping, wrecking things right and left, and almost burying his brother in the sand-box. It's like she's warning me as she tells me these stories that my children will torture me.

I know that God will transform my thinking, and I pray He does because I REALLY do want children, actually 4, Lord-willing. I think this phase, I am contemplating and trying to understand the depth of responsibility and love that goes to each of our little ones. I really don't want to go into parenthood oblivious. I have loved D & I's last 2 years of marriage and love love LOVE being with him every moment we can. I am praying that God strengthens our marriage leading up to parenthood and every year after.

D& I can't wait to have children but we will continue to wait, think, and pray about this huge life-changing decision.